I had an epiphany last night. Actually, it was early this morning, because I could not sleep (I haven't been able to sleep well for a couple of weeks now). It came on the wave of the release of pent-up frustration at not being able to follow my desire to make Frog Two a permanent fixture in my life (by now, most of you should know my feelings for him). He has not been very responsive to my emails as of late. There could be a number of reasons for this, and it may have nothing to do with me. But instead of wondering why (or even broaching the subject to him), I took this as a sign that he and I may be going onto divergent paths. That realization caused a flood of emotion and a torrent of tears. Thoughts of missed opportunities and bad timing careening in my brain. The crying was cleansing and allowed me to see things as they are, not as I want them to be. Letting go and moving on, no matter how pragmatic and appropriate, is hard to do.
That is not to say that we’re formally parting ways, never to see one another again; I don’t think that’s the case. But, I believe that we will end up more as friends than anything else, simply because he is not ready for anything else. Could that change? Of course – stranger things have happened. I still believe that he will keep contact with me on occasion. I’m not pushing him out of my life. But, I am also not going to try to pull him into my life, either. So, I attempt to follow my own advice and just let it be. Gone are the hopes of something more than what is plainly there; gone are my attempts at keeping me in his thoughts.
Now, I need to let go and move on. Easier said than done.
Update: I have just found out that Frog Two has become involved with someone else.
Update: I have just found out that Frog Two has become involved with someone else.
- SA
