I promised that I would go into a recent situation that could have turned out rather badly, had things not revealed themselves sooner. But, first, let me explain that I have a “process” of sorts in place for communicating and meeting men from online. It was developed over the years as a filter – allowing us to get acquainted without sharing personal information. This requires that both parties be willing to do some amount of messaging/emailing (no IM, no phone) before meeting. It allows me to get a feel for who I’m dealing with. This one time, I broke one of my own rules – and it could have cost me dearly.This happened mere days ago. I had received a message on a system from a gentleman (call him Toad One) who wanted to get to know me. From his pictures, he’s a big man (about 6’1” and 230-250 lbs), a bodybuilder and rather handsome. We corresponded on that system a couple of times, then he asked for my phone number. I am loath to give it out, as I explained, but he insisted, saying that he’s not a computer person and it’s difficult for him to email back and forth. So, I opted to call him from my computer using Skype. He seemed very nice, polite and respectful, and we talked for over an hour and a half. However, he regularly referred to “If you and I were together, I would do this…” or “…we would go here and do that.” At the time I thought it quaint, and concluded that he didn’t have much experience with dating. Expectations can get pretty high when first starting out, so I am quick to point out my own experience, and that I keep my expectations low.
He asked me if I was dating other men, and I was honest with him. He said that he understood, but asked that if we met (we had scheduled a meeting for this past Friday) and we really get along well, would I stop dating other men. I was hesitant – again, this pointed to his high expectations. He compromised, asking if I would just give it a few dates before deciding on whether to move on or not. I acquiesced, thinking, “what’s a few dates?” I thought it would be highly unlikely that I would find someone to surpass Frog Two, but I was open to the possibility.
I decided that he would be fine with my number, so I gave it to him. We closed the call, and I thought that was it. I wouldn’t hear anything more until Friday. I went back on the system to review his profile and those of others. I received a text from him a few minutes later, accusing me of breaking my word because I was on the system again (some systems will allow users to see if specific users are online, and he no doubt saw me). I texted back that that wasn’t the agreement, and that I thought he was being unreasonable. I won’t repeat what he texted to me after that, but suffice to say, I told him to leave me alone. He texted back, and I ignored it, blocked his number and deleted all messages.
This toad displayed an extreme tendency for possessiveness and controlling any woman he thinks is his. To be honest, I’m still reeling from the exchange and the thought of potential disaster that was averted. But, I am safe – having only provided my phone number. A very, very dangerous situation could have resulted if I had but met with him and had he not shown his true colors then.
This exchange provided valuable lessons:
- Never deviate from my process – built from years of experience.
- When a man speaks of a relationship before you even meet, run. Run like hell.
- NEVER promise exclusivity – no matter how brief – until you are ready UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
It was enough to make me contemplate getting out of dating for a while. I’m not proud of my failure to stick to my guns. But, I learned, barely escaping from a nasty case of warts.
In other news, I have a meeting with Frog Four today: 51 years old, 5’7” (a bit shorter than I like), weight / height proportionate, a full head of salt and pepper hair and a goatee. A bit of a cowboy, but seems intelligent, polite and well-spoken. Owns a Harley. Has a clear sense of who he is, from what I can tell. We’re meeting for lunch at 11:30 at a local pub. Hope I can find some low-fat choices on the menu (probably not).
I also have a lunch meeting with Frog Five on Sunday: 54 years old, 5’ 10”, average build. A full head of gray hair; handsome in a boyish sort of way. Has been a ticketing agent for a major airline for a number of years (job security – yay!). Quirky in his sense of humor, it comes out in his emails. Seems like he would be fun.
Frog Six has not surfaced since contacting me Thursday. Not sure if he will. Not sure if I want to contact him, either. C’est la vie. If I don't hear from him, his designation will be removed, and my next frog will be named Frog Six (since we have not actually met). There are more where he came from.
I'll post again soon.
SA
