Please, PLEASE – share this with others on Facebook if you’d like to. I encourage it. But, please do NOT use my real name when doing so. I’d like to make my blog presence as removed as possible from my real self, for obvious reasons. On to my philosophy.
Please, good reader – let me make this perfectly clear: I am dating around; I’m not sleeping around. The vast majority of my dates are first-time meetings – and nothing else. What happens, more often than not, is by the time the first meeting is half over, one of us has decided the other is not a good match. I have to admit that the ratio for me making the call rather than him is about 4:1, however. I’m including pre-blog figures, since I’m only up to Frog Five this time around. I’m not a floozy, a loose woman or a “ho.” Why am I dating like this? Here’s my analogy:
Say you’re out shopping for a car. You go to the dealer, test drive one car, then purchase it and drive it off the lot. Then, after a few days or weeks, you decide you don’t like it, so you take it back and start looking for the next car. Does that make any sense at all? It’s not the best way to shop for a car that suits you – and you shouldn’t to that with men, either. Serial dating is the worst time-suck on the face of the planet if you’re at my age and looking for a long-term relationship. As with cars, you want to "test-drive" as many men as you can over a period of time before making a move toward exclusivity. Why on earth would I want to cut off all other potential matches with someone who “seems” like we get along (on the surface), then find out in short order that we’re not such a good match? I’d have to start all over again in finding a nice man. I don’t have a hell of a lot of time to waste – I have to make every date count.
Nearly all dating advice sites (and there are plenty of them) recommend not engaging in sexual activity with anyone until or unless exclusivity (at least of a sexual nature) is declared. This means being very clear about one’s status and goal. And, I am not making my status a secret. If things look like they will go beyond the first couple of dates, I will let my date know that I am seeing other men. Frog Two knew this before the end of our second date.
Being physically intimate with anyone while in the “dating” mode is not a good idea, for innumerable reasons. It can create all sorts of complicated problems, in addition to the obvious health risks. That is not to say that I’m not tempted with Frog Two. Problem is, the feeling is mutual and is the precise reason why we are trying to work out a level of physical interaction with each other that minimizes the chance that things will go over the edge before either of us is ready. A very difficult balancing act, to be sure. We have discussed our sexual attraction - among the intellectual and other attraction - with each other. And, as a whole, I would have no problem whatsoever entering into a physical relationship with him. However, the biggest fear I have is to become a “friend with benefits.” I told Frog Two that I did not want to be considered such, and that if we become intimate, that I wanted “all of him” – heart, body and soul. However, this “line in the sand” does complicate things when passions rise. Drawing the line – or crossing it – will alter our relationship, perhaps permanently. Scary, especially when he is the only one with whom I am even remotely considering on that level.
On to my date yesterday. Frog Five came to my neck of the woods for lunch and a movie. He had earlier suggested that we rent a movie to watch at my house, but there’s no way that I will have him at my house until and unless I feel I can trust him. I like him, but I doubt if we will actually become an item, but the fact that he can fly anywhere in the U.S. and have a companion fly free, too is pretty attractive – at least for a little while.
Lunch at a Mexican place was okay. He’s a smart guy, and we have some things in common. His movie and TV tastes run toward the comic book or action-flick side, but he did actually suggest seeing the Lincoln Lawyer, which was fantastic! I needed to have some work done on my car (brakes – gulp!), so had the car fixed while we wandered around chatting. He’s a pretty decent conversationalist, and has some strong opinions on certain things, but he seems respectful of opposing views – unless (by his admission) they go far off to the extreme. He is also polite, and always opens doors for me – a nice touch. He alluded to seeing me again, asking me to contact him when I returned from my trip. At that time, he will also get the "I'm seeing other men" speech, in one way or another.
There have been a number of potential “Frog Sixes,” but no one has stepped up to the plate to actually meet. This is fine, as I’m too focused on getting ready for my trip to Michigan in a week. For those who don’t know what I am talking about, there is an annual dog show for my breed, and the event is somewhat of a Mecca. We spend our time bragging about our dogs, complimenting others’ dogs, networking and partying like there’s no tomorrow. The majority of my hangovers in a given year are a direct result of these shows.
I think my next post (since I will probably not be seeing anyone over the next two weeks) will be about how I set up my profile(s) in online dating sites – how I attract men and how I approach them when I am attracted to them. I’ll give my insight on what to show in your profile, what not to show and how to present yourself – textually and pictorially. This is just one woman’s opinion, so I don’t expect anyone to see me as an expert (I certainly am not), but I think after all these years, I do have some decent ideas.
Until then,
SA
