I am a battle-scarred veteran of the online dating scene. Twice married, both marriages failed for different reasons after a few years. I will not get into that here, but I might refer to this or that observation from time to time. I’m not sure I want to be married again, but I do want a committed relationship that has the potential of being stronger than any legal document. One can dream.
My introduction into online dating started in 1995, as a beta tester for a now-defunct online service. I was tasked with interacting with other beta testers all over the world testing functions and robustness of the system and relaying my findings to the developers. And, that’s where I met Rob, who lived in another country. I had separated from my first husband then, and feeling unworthy, I found Rob’s attentions flattering, to say the least. To make a long story short, we ended up in a relationship lasting more than 18 months. I had some serious airline miles under my belt. So, I’m no stranger to that world; nor am I a stranger to the slimy, dark underbelly of online dating. Maybe I will post more on that in the future.
Rob was the first. Many have followed off and on over the years. Fast-forward to 2011. Another husband came and went (not minimizing the marriage – just providing a timeline). I had signed on to several online dating sites over time. Some free; others quite spendy. I am thinking of providing critiques of some of them, for the enlightenment of those interested at some future point.
Since moving to my current location around January of this year, I have experienced a resurgence of confidence that I am worthy of a relationship and finding someone who is likewise worthy. Previously, my confidence had been hampered quite severely due to a number of circumstances. Today, I am rediscovering myself. A Renaissance woman.
Since relocating, I have been dating actively, and each man is referred to not by name, but by designation (Frog One, Frog Two, etc.). Below is a list and quasi-timeline, complete with some degree of detail.
Frog One:
40 years old. About 5’ 11 or so; borderline obese. Not great looking, but not repulsive, either. Loves critters. A real sweet guy. Too sweet, actually. I am certainly willing to look past the surface and forgive extra weight (I am no skinny mini). However, his mannerisms, the way he dressed, carried himself and his recent past all conspired against him. In addition, he showed his lack of confidence by emailing, calling and texting me several times a day. I cannot tolerate that kind of neediness, so I had to remove him from the pond.
Frog Two:
47 years old. 5’10” about 170. In good physical shape. Shaved head. One 11-year old daughter. A successful business owner, he does not want for anything (believe it or not, that is not important to me, nor is it the reason I’m seeing him). He is an accomplished musician (violin, guitar) and plays in the local symphony orchestra, a speed freak (has his own rally car) and photographer (does beautiful work). His face, although not attractive to me at first, has grown on me. From our first meeting in mid March, the attraction was instant and mutual. He has a way of carrying himself that shows an ease and genuine confidence seen rarely. He is attentive, affectionate, and open. A class act. We love each others’ dogs. We are still seeing each other, but he is in a different place relationship-wise than I am. Having said that, we had quickly developed a connection – a bond that could last for years. In what capacity, I have no idea. If he ever said he was ready for just one, I would throw every other frog out of this pond in a New York minute. ‘Nuff said.
Frog Three:
46 years old. About 5’9”, slight of build, killer smile. Smooth talker; pushy. After dating for a couple of weeks, I discover that he is a closet alcoholic. A veritable train wreck. I dumped him faster than you could say “cheers!”
Three new frogs have entered the pond, but I have not met them yet. I will detail them later. But, I will describe for you my near-miss of a tragic mistake in my next post. This could have ended badly, and I’m very glad all he had was my phone number.
Until then –
SA
